She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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