He told me they were just razor bumps!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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