Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
