I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
