the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize