I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
