he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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