There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
