I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
