Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
