i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
