I just cut my nipple shaving
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
