People in love make me want to vomit
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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