Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
there is glitter all over my balls
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
