JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
