Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
