worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it hurts more in the daytime
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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