You really coming over, don't trick.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
