ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
