dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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