he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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