Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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