i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize