I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
