break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
