So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
