the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
