so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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