So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
