Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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