Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
