What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
