remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
