1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
