Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
