just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
These tits shall not be calmed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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