thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
