Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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