my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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