Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
