you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
