I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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