She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
