"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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