when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
