i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
