im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
