you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
