i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
