OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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