She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
