I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
