hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
