I seem to have left my pride at pride
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
