I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
