those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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