i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
