You work out of a Hotel?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize