I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
