i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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