I didn't shave. On purpose
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
