he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is Oprah even human
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
