i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
