threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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