there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
